Too Excited to Sleep

Okay. It's that time of year again when I can't sleep properly because I'm so pumped about the Academy Awards. There are supposed to be 5 more sleeps until The Best Awards Show Ever In This Universe. I call it '5 more awakes'.

Instead of snoring deep in REM sleep, the thrilling realization that Colin Firth  (The King's Speech) and Christian Bale (The Fighter) will at long last win Oscars (that they really earned for their riveting roles in 2009's A Single Man and 1987's Empire of the Sun, respectively) has me beside myself with excitement. What if this? What if that?

Will these superstars thank their beaming wives while the orchestra bullies them offstage? Will they openly wipe away tears of joy, relief, and exhaustion? Will they pretend their noses are itchy and scratch them during their acceptance speeches to mask their emotions? Or will they be manly men, lowering their voices a notch, and making groaners to hide the tsunami of ecstasy swelling up inside their tuxes? 

Mock my words, if you will. But you know winning an Oscar means more to actors than banging Scarlett Johansson and Javier Bardem at the same time in a king-sized feather bed overlooking the Mediterranean. Quite simply, winning an Academy Award means the honoree can now drop dead on a Libyan film set as soon as March, with his or her legacy, if not limbs, intact.

I can't wait to see how pregnant Natalie Portman is on Sunday night. And will True Grit's annoying Hailee Steinfeld remain all aww-shucks cutesy-pie when Melissa Leo or Helena Bonham Carter's name is called in the Best Supporting Actress category? 

For the life of me, I can't foresee which film will win Best Picture. Sure, everyone's falling over their crumpets with praise for The King's Speech. I think it's just a clever marketing campaign. If that royal flick wins, it's only because William and Kate are tying the knot this year and it's a nice movie & monarchs tie-in. I got more of a rush from The Social Network and Black Swan. Why can't one of them win?  We'll see. If I can keep my eyes open by then.